just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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