I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
