The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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