He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
