I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
