Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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