if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
