hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
