he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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