Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
