The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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