A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
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We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
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I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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