just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
