Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
