Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
