I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
