It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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