In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
