i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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