Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
