like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
