Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
