i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
