She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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