Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
