I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
