I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have grass duct taped all over my body
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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