Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
