Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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