My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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