Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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