Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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