dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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