Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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