Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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