i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
