it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
sex in a hospital.. check
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have tasted many bathrooms
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
