I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the day after is always just damage control
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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