I'm so fucking centered right now
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
