all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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