I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
