it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
