yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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