I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
