Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
