I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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