U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
