Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize