on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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