All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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