so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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