im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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