I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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