We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
