The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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