He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize