everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
