Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
