Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
