gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
