Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
