I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
