i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
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just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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