I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
